The Joe Stains Special
Joe Stains, one tough terrier dude, was granted an exclusive interview with Ms. Sophie Brador. He asked some mighty tough questions, but after consulting with her publicist, Ms. Brador answered every one of them. No tears!
Here is an excerpt from that interview:
JS: If you could star opposite any current heart throb, who would it be? Canine or human, I don't care which.
SB: I googled current heartthrob and I have to tell you, a rather sorry list of leading men came up. I think Corey Feldman and Sigmund Freud were both there.
I want to say Jon Stewart, because I think his wife is a vet and he always goes to the mat for the pups. Or Ellen, because she likes dogs and has a big place. They’re both current, but neither one is a heartthrob.
I could pick George Clooney, because he has a villa in Italy, but his head is kind of big and squarish. I could go with someone like Tom Cruise, just for the opportunity to upstage him and then maybe bite him in the &^@#!%
In the end, I’m settling with Kevin Bacon. He’s not exactly a heartthrob and may even be anorexic, but he’s kind of weird, which I like, and he’s connected to everyone! Plus he lives in NY and that’s cool.
JS: If you could cut loose and get away with anything for a day, what would you do?
SB: Swim! and then eat as much raw chicken and rabbit as possible, and then if there is still time, maybe go to the dog park and attack all the dogs I don’t know. Then roll on a dead fish and eat some cat poop.
JS: Would you be so bold as to share a truly undignified moment with us?
SB: Are you sure you want to hear this story? Okay. Tell all humans to set aside their lunch, because it may not stay down for long.
Okay, so, on Labour Day weekend, I went swimming in a really great lake (scroll back about a month). On the beach was a young. Let’s just call him Pooper Jr.
Pooper Jr. was not all that interesting to me, frankly. He was just some four-year-old human, playing in the sand beside us. No big deal and not at all interesting until he pooped on the beach, right beside us. The humans thought it was disgusting. I thought it was temptation beyond reason and the first opportunity I got …..
Come to think of it, that wasn’t undignified at all. The reaction of the humans? That was undignified. They started screaming and yelling things like “oh gross!” Then there was more screaming and gagging and then they made me go swimming. Fine with me.
Come to think of it, I have never had a truly undignified moment.
JS: If you could spend the day with any DWB member, who would it be and what would you do?
SB: Oh boy. That is really tough question. Oh boy. Oh boy. Okay.
Wally, because he is so cool and always has lots of eatables around.
Stanny, because he is the President of the Republic of Gooberstan and has great taste in music.
KuBrin, because I adore him and want to go live with all the SUMDs in Berkshire.
Asta, because she’s cute and lives in the village in NYC and I love it there.
Pippa, because he lives in Spain. Need I say more?
Freda, because I am fascinated by the way she counts.
Ernest, because he is flat, sometimes, and subversive, always.
Wait …. I guess I can only pick one right? Okay, easy.
You, Joe Stains, because you are soooo frackin’ cool! And maybe you could take me to your granny’s for treats and scritches?
JS: If I had a um friend that thought you were very pretty do you think that friend might have a chance to get a kiss from you if we er I mean if you guys ever met?
SB: I would totally give you er um your friend a kiss, because I totally like the tough boys and you er um your friend must be a tough guy or he would not be your friend, right, Joe Stains?
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Sophie Brador and her management team would like to thank Mr. Joe Stains for his time and patience, and most of all his attitude.
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In keeping with this fine interviewing tradition, Sophie has agreed to the following fine print:
1. If you are interested in being interviewed, leave me a comment saying, 'interview me.'
2. I will respond by posting five questions for you. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
